You have been through a terrible ordeal. But do you know what I believe? I believe it's not your 'friend's' betrayal that is sending you to the very brink, it's the hate and anger you feel as a result.
I'm not saying your 'friend' doesn't deserve your hate or anger. But I am saying that you do not deserve the affects this hate or anger has over you. Hate will kill you, hate will imprison you. Hate will destroy your life -- (not your 'friend's' life.)
So, what can you do to be free? You need to give God the hate you feel and ask him to help you let go of it, and to also forgive. Not because this person who betrayed you deserves it, but because you deserve to get on with your life.
Would you be willing to pray this prayer?
Try it. Then pray this:
Okay, this is good, but there's one more thing, and it may feel costly, though it will give you your freedom...
You may need to pray these prayers every time the anger rises up in you. But remember, you are not justifying what your friend did. You are simply becoming free from the bondage you are in. Right now, this person has you tied around his or her finger -- emotionally. The bonds that he/she is using happen to be your very own anger.
Quit thinking so much about the offense, but of God's great love for you. Did you know that when your 'friend' betrayed you, it was as if the betrayal was commited against Jesus himself? Unless they 'get right' with God, they could be in big trouble.
If you can break free of yourbitterness, through God's strength, not your own, you will be free of this person and free to get on with your life.
Please, do not kill yourself OR harm this person who wronged you. If you do, this person wins and you lose. This person will have destroyed you. Listen, there is a better way. A way to peace and freedom.
You will know you have 'arrived' when you can ask God to help the one who wronged you. Keep working at it, this level of forgiveness may be your goal to work toward.
I'm praying for you.
P.S. The enemy knows that God has a purpose for your life and he's trying to stop it. Don't let him. Stand, in your love and God and God's love for you, and you will defeat the evil one.
Do you go to church anywhere? If not, find a church. Talk to the pastor and tell him how you are feeling. But most of all, keep doing the next thing. I'm not promising that you will not have losses, but keep praying, seeking God, and His direction. Keep your head high in this storm and one day, it will pass. The sun will shine again. And this dark period of your life will be behind you. There is hope Jeremiah 29: 11 - 13 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,...plans to give you hope and a future.... You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
You are going to make it. I'm praying for you. God is going to see you through this dear one. Please, please do not do anything to hurt yourself. Wait on God. In the meantime, if thoughts of suicide get too heavy, go to the hospital or call 911. Call your doctor as well.
Here's what I recommend to you:
Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.
Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.
Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.
WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU!