If you REALLY want to stop, why don't you ask Jesus to set you free?
You can pray a simple prayer like this:
Jesus, please forgive me, I do what I know I ought not. Father, if I have any 'soul ties' with these people, problems, or situations, I ask that you would break them in the power of your son's blessed name.
You may have to pray this more than once, maybe for many days. But if you truly want to change, I challenge you to do so. In the meantime, remember what Paul the apostle said in Rom 7:14-25:
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. " (from New International Version)
So,dear one, we are in a war with sin. But when you sin, don't just wallow in it. Get up! It's Jesus who is holding your hand. He's not letting go. So get up, keep going. If you fall again. Get up, move forward.
In other words, don't stop the walk just because you stumble. GET UP and GET GOING!
Please, do not take your life. Please allow time and God to heal your heart. I know that you are hurting. But others have been where you are, including me, and have walked, one step at a time, out of the darkness.
You will too. You are going to make it.
To read my story, click here.
Here's what I recommend to you:
- We need other believers for encouragement. Find a church home. See if you can find a small Bible study of people in your age range. Call some of the bigger churches in your area and see if they have anything to offer for your age group. This could be a home Bible study or a Sunday school class.
- Listen to inspirational music. There's a lot of Christian music in different styles. Maybe you've got a great Christian radio station in your area or maybe you can find one on the web that plays a style of Christian music that speaks to you like http://www.klove.com/listen/. You can also go to a Christian bookstore and listen to their CDs until you find something that helps you to feel worshipful.
- Read the book, Purpose Driven Life. This is a great Bible study and you need to have the Word in your life every day.
- Take time to read the Bible. If you don't have a Bible, there are versions available on the web that you can download.
Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.
Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.
Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.
WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU!