I'm guessing you feel like you are in over your head. Here's the solution, seek God's direction. When you do, He will guide you, one step at a time.
There was once a mother of four teenagers whose husband died suddenly. She didn't know how she was going to make it. She was so depressed all she could do was sit on the couch and cry. One day she prayed, "Jesus, if you were here, what would you have me do?"
She was surprised when she heard a quiet whisper to her heart. He said, "Get up and do the dishes."
She did, then for the first time in a long time, she made dinner for her kids. She just kept doing the next thing until she saw all of her kids successfully graduate from High School.
I think you are in this same situation. If you look at your whole situation and all your hurts, you feel overwhelmed. But Jesus is whispering to you, Seek me. And do the next thing.
Get up, do the next thing, and the next, and the next. Live your life!
You cannot control the people in your life, as you know, but you can take these situations to God and give them to Him. Also give Him all your past hurts. Every day, say to God, "Lord, you ask that I cast my cares on you, so I'm throwing all these burdens to you. Please carry them for me. Please worry for them for me. I'm too tired to carry them today. You do it."
Over time, your heart will start to feel lighter, you will have clearer focus and direction. You will start to enjoy life.
God is going to see you through this dear one. Please, please do not do anything to hurt yourself. Did you know that the Bible says that a live dog is better than a dead lion, for where there is life there is hope??
That means there is no hope in death. But there is hope in life, even if you're feeling like a starving dog that everyone has kicked around.
You are going to make it. God says He is close to those with a broken heart. Sometimes it may not feel that way, but He's there. Do not listen to the enemy's lies, He is trying to discourage you because he knows the plans God has for your life.
Wait. Wait on God. In the meantime, if thoughts of suicide get too heavy, go to the hospital or call 911. Call your doctor as well.
You are going to make it. I'm praying for you.
Here are a few things I think God wants you to know:
I myself have had terrible circumstances in my life. When my baby was thrown out of a car during a violent car crash, she spent a year in coma. The doctors tried to get me to pull her plug and end her life. I was finally so distraught that I almost pulled her plug and my plug as well.
Finally, even though I didn't want to, I gave my daughter up to God. I came Him the circumstance she was in -- blind, on life support, unable to speak. When I did, He did not heal her, instead, he gradually began to heal my heart. It took a lot of time. Now, 15 years later, my daughter is still terribly disabled, but both our hearts are healed. My daughter is joyful and free of the heartaches of life. And so am I.
That can happen for you too. Someday you will smile.
Please, do not take your life. Please allow time and God to heal your heart. I know that you are hurting. But others have been where you are, and have walked, one step at a time, out of the darkness.
You will too. You are going to make it.
To read my story, click here.
Here's what I recommend to you:
Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.
Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.
Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.
WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU!