Ministry can be so hurtful. Just know that I understand and that I'm praying for you. Also know that God loves you so much and that He has not forgotten you.
Don't make any decisions about your ministry today. But as your family has been hurt, why don't you talk to them about your ministry and see if they have any ideas or directions for you. It would be great if you could pray about it as a family.
Also, there are other ways to be in the ministry besides pastoring, however, your call is between you and the Lord. Why don't you ask Him to either confirm your call, or to provide other opportunities and direction.
However, don't let bitter controlling people take your call away from you. Seek God on this and I am confident he will guide you through.
I myself have had very discouraging times as a Christian author and speaker. Once my one of my employees ran away with one of my Christian publisher's employees, my publisher was so angry they vented their frustrations on me, even though I had nothing to do with 'the affair.' I lost a four book contract and it looked as if God could never use me as an author again. As that was my calling, I was heartbroken.
However, God used this ministry holocaust to redirect my path. Today my ministry has taken a new direction. Yes, I still write books, (with a new publisher), but now I also reach out to encourage other authors and people of the church online. That would never have happened if I had not had a 'bump' in the road.
What I'm trying to say is, give this situation to God. Then allow Him to turn it into good. Let Him surprise you with how He will do that. For God wastes no circumstance. And just as Joseph couldn't understand why he was thrown into a pit, God used that pit as a stepping stone for a greater purpose. God has a great purpose for you as well. Know that He has a plan and trust in Him.
Praying for you pastor!
To read my story, click here.
Here's what I recommend to you:
- We need other believers for encouragement. Find a church home. See if you can find a small Bible study of people in your age range. Call some of the bigger churches in your area and see if they have anything to offer for your age group. This could be a home Bible study or a Sunday school class.
- Listen to inspirational music. There's a lot of Christian music in different styles. Maybe you've got a great Christian radio station in your area or maybe you can find one on the web that plays a style of Christian music that speaks to you like http://www.klove.com/listen/. You can also go to a Christian bookstore and listen to their CDs until you find something that helps you to feel worshipful.
- Read the book, Purpose Driven Life. This is a great Bible study and you need to have the Word in your life every day.
- Take time to read the Bible. If you don't have a Bible, there are versions available on the web that you can download.
Don't do anything to harm yourself. You are so loved. Please give your situation time, please allow God time to move. He may be waiting for you to give in to Him, to say, God I will trust you, no matter what. Try trusting God and see what will happen.
Also, please go in for a medical checkup and tell your doctor about how you feel emotionally. Your doctor may have medications that can help you get over this 'bump' in the road.
Also, I highly recommend counseling. You may find a pastor in your church or other local church or some other professional who will understand and help you with your struggles.
WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU!
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